pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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