Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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