Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
