I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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