you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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