he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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