Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
