I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
