apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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