Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
