Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
