Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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