i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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