After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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