My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
