Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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