Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
