Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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