I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
