you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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