If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
