So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
