new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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