i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
