i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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