This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
