Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
