is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
