Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Drunk is a universal language darling
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