Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
