I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
