just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
don't judge my taste in strippers
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
