he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
