I'm really into asian looking animals
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Found your dick twin last night
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
