i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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