There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
