am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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