capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
