If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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