Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
