i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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