My brain says no but my pants say off.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
