Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
what is it with giant penises always finding me
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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