I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
