if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
we have officially lost it.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Randomize
