in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
