She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
