I don't usually arrange sex via text message
thus making me awesome and them whores
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
