i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
