my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
