I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
