like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
