dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
