Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Watching her eat just hurts me
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
