I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize