your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
