just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I am spending my child support on dildos
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
