I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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