I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
