Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
