that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
is wine microwaveable?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Randomize
