I've blown a few things in my day
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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