OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
