Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize