fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
