foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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