Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
