i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
