you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
